Friday, July 15, 2011

Bang Head Against Wall

Three items that are making me want to bang my head against a wall today:

1. My four sliding screen doors that I paid a few hundred dollars to make 'servicable' are not serviceable. Seriously, when I ask you to make them work, DO NOT GIVE THEM BACK TO ME WITH HALF OLD WHEELS THAT DON'T SPIN and tell me that I need to do something to them. The point of giving them to YOU to fix, is to have them WORK when I get them back, not to make ME do work to make them work. Wow.

2. My body has decided once again, to not do what it is told and instead grow a follicle and produce estrogen after 4 weeks of birth control pills and 10 days of 20 units of Lupron. BOOO ON YOU BODY, BOO ON YOU!

So yet another delay in this never ending donor egg IVF cycle. The solution? Stay on lots of Lupron, go back in on Tuesday, hope the follicle is large enough to trigger, take an Ovidril shot to trigger (cuz it won't ovulate on it's own while I'm on Lupron), have sex with Tidy (yay for planned sex... how fun has THAT been for the last 4 years.. well, I mean.. most of it has been fun, but the timed aspect can go to hell sometimes, ya know?), wait for my period to show, hope that I get pregnant and it doesn't show, and if it does show, once again hope that on the next CD3 my body has decided to listen to the Lupron and shut the hell up. Then, and only then, can we start our estrogen. So hoping to god that Dotty the Donor is still going to stick with us. This puts her part of the process out at least 5 more weeks.

By the way, this same thing happened with my very first IVF cycle, way back in April of 2009 and then it also happened with my last FET cycle. Only once has my body listened to Lupron the first time, on  my second IVF cycle back in Sept of 2009.

Sometimes I feel like screaming at someone to blame for all of these pauses we have to take along our way, ya know? I mean.. For once, just once, I want to go down a path towards our child that is somewhat easy. NONE OF THIS has been easy... And it's been very un-easy for 4 and a half years now.

I'm getting very sick and tired of this game.

3. My aunt announced today that my older cousin is pregnancy on facebook. Number 4 is on the way. She's 41, her next closest child is 10...or something like that... at least old enough to assume they were done having kids... I'm not implying this pregnancy was an oops, in fact, I think I heard she wanted more kids a few years ago... my point is... clearly her eggs work. And more clearly, mine don't.

Today is one of those days that I just hope I can make it to the end of the work day without crying too much and find my yoga mat  for some relief.. because right now, there's a lot of rage inside me and if I truly did have a wall in front of me (other than the one at work that is between me and my coworkers) I would be banging my head.


thirtiesgirl said...

So sorry for the follie news. I hear you on this not being easy and just being tired of it all. Crossing my fingers your donor is fine with the delay.

Marissa said...

*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear about your delay. :(

Anonymous said...

What. The. Fuck. I am so sorry for all of these things producing rage in you right now, my friend....It's seemingly impossible that you're dealing with all of this at the same freakin' time! Ugh!!! I'm on the edge of my seat hoping that Tuesday produces excellent news. And how awesome would that be if you got preggo naturally and it stuck? Whoa. xoxo

cgd said...

ugh, I am just beyond words. I wonder how women like you and I cannot ever seem to find a break. One would think that something, someplace would just work easily, but no of course not, it is always an uphill battle.
I am so hoping that you can start this DE cycle very soon and not have to be on the dreaded lupron any longer. I am also sorry for the pregnancy announcement, that would be hard for me too (I hate FB btw).

LisaB said...

I'm really sorry for the crap you are dealing with :-( I am keeping my thoughts and prayers with you.

KC said...

So frustrating!!! I hate set backs and that is all we have in our infertile worlds! I can totally relate to your aunt's announcement. I had a similar thing happen at school before summer vacation. One of my fellow teachers came in to visit me. She has a son in my class who is 13 and another older son in high school. When she told me she had news, I said "your not pregnant are you". Sure enough, at 43 she had become pregnant without really even annoying!! Thanks for the comment on my blog! It has been a really exciting week. Fingers crossed now for my ultra sound. I know that having an egg donor is the only reason I have even come this far. I know in my heart this is going to work for you too. It is a long process with tons of hoops to jump through but hopefully worth it in the end.

michelle said...

Holy crap! I've never heard of that happening. That totally sucks. Keep us posted on the donor! Fingers crossed that she sticks around. I'm so sorry you guys are going through this!!!

Cherm29 said...

Son of a Bitch! So sorry K! You bang that pretty head..albeit gently. :) Sometimes it's all you CAN do. Yay for yoga and bumpin uglies til the cows come home for a natural cycle! I'm hoping beyond hope that your baby comes to you this way! Wouldn't that just be the bees knees!? :) You know I'm thinking of you lady... xo

Anonymous said...

I got off Facebook a few years ago for the sole reason of being sick and tired of people announcing their happy news and posting pics of their ultrasounds.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. So frustrating. But I have to admit, the first thing I thought was, well maybe this is when the miracle happens. Fingers crossed!

Chelle said...

1. Morons! It must be hard to be so stupid. I would have asked for my money back. Although they sound stupid enough that you probably could have gotten away without paying them and told them you already had.

2. Argh! It is so frustrating and so maddening and so embittering.

3. I swear everyone and their dog is pregnant right now. For real. Even MY dogs are pregnant, yes, both of them. I am so tired of pregnancy announcements and bellies and hearing people who have only been trying for a few months complain about how long they've been trying. I think you and I should take a month-long beach vacation and forget about all things TTC.