Wednesday, July 13, 2011


A few years ago, as I began this journey, one of the first sources of comfort and knowledge for me was an online chat-board. I started by reading about women going through IUIs and learning the lingo used (dh, poas, stims, sticky vibes...) Soon thereafter, I got brave and started posting myself. Under a pseudonym, I told people about our story, about our IUI numbers, about symptoms, and about our BFNs (Big Fucking Negatives)... and I received virtual hugs and support and encouragement.

After a year of IUIs, Tidy and I decided to take a break from western medical treatment and pursue alternative, more natural methods for a year. During that time, I moved over to one of the boards that focused on these types of methods.

And it is there, that I met my two angels, C and M.

These two women just so happened to join up on that same chat board around the same time and as soon as we got to know each other and support each other a bit through our 'early years' of infertility, we realized that we just adored each other even beyond the infertility stuff. We not only understood what each of us was going through emotionally with ourselves, our partners, our families and our friends, but we also found we looked at life similarly even outside of our journey to a baby...

After some time of chatting with each other on the chat boards, we moved into emailing and chatting over instant messenger, and even on the phone. And then one day, while we were wishing how great it would be to hang out with each other, we decided take a leap of faith that we would get along well and meet up in Chicago for a long weekend.... This was almost 2 years ago. It was a fantastic weekend of exploring the city and getting to know each other. And after that weekend, I've know that we are going friends with eachother long past the days when we all become mothers.

It had been about 2 years since we've seen each other, so we decided to meet up again, but this time, near NYC,  close to where M lives. And I just got back from this wonderful weekend of spending time with my girls and exploring yet another fun city. It's amazing how a long weekend with people who really understand you, rejuvenates you and gives you a bit of lift in your step. We spent pretty much all hours of the day with each other for three days and now that I'm home, I'm missing them, big time :) I can't wait till our next adventure together. Hopefully by then, we will all have added to our families. Both M and C are embarking on their own new adventures to becoming parents as we speak and I'm just so hopeful that the world will let us do this together..

As C and M both have said, it was kismet that we met.

So, it's only appropriate that kismet met me on my flight home this past weekend from NYC.

ON the way back home, my flights got delayed. It sucked. I was angry and cranky and bummed. I wanted so badly just to be home with Tidy and fall asleep exhausted from a great long weekend, in my own bed. But as luck would have it, I wasn't able to get back to Tidy that night. Instead, I went to Detroit...

On the plane ride there, I sat next to a woman, J. She was sweet and unassuming, chatting with her husband and tending to her 2 kids, who were sitting in front of her. When the flight attendant came around to give us our drinks and peanuts, she said to her husband, "I can't believe they serve these things on a plane with all of the peanut allergies out there". And you know what???  I've thought the exact same thing myself the last few times we've flown!!

And so, me being the sometimes overly nosy and friendly person that I am, told her that I completely agreed, but then apologized for eaves dropping... Because afterall, I didnt' want her to think that I was listening to every word that she had to say. But, one comment led to another and we talked about a few small things that I can't quite remember and finally we ended up on kids.

I asked how old her kids were and she asked if I had any. And I told her, "No, in fact, we've been trying for a while. 4 years to be exact." I'm not sure what possesses me to share this with certain people and not share it with others but just say something polite like, "No, not yet :-)". But I did share my 'infertility' with her.

And then she shared her story with me!! It turns out, that she went through 4 or so IVF cycles to conceive her second child. Can you believe it? Well... I guess it's not all that hard to believe considering the percent of people that have to go through this. But... anyways, I just felt yet again, this was kismet. It was fate that I missed my flight and sat next to this woman on the plane. It was fate that allowed us to share our stories with one another and have her encourage me on our next steps. She looked at me so many times and just said things like, "I know this is going to work for you", and  how very grateful she was for her family. It was heartfelt, and I thank her so much for opening up to me, for that was exactly what I needed at that moment...

... some blind encouragement from someone else, that our next step will work.

Thank you, J, for being brave to share your story with me.... it meant so much. And maybe, just maybe, it was a bit of a release to share your story with someone. I hope so :-)

And thank you, C& M, for an amazing weekend and your beautiful friendships. I love you both so very much.

(P.S... yes, this was a very long post for me. Thanks for sticking it out!)


Jen said...

How nice that you've been able to make real life friends out of this crazy journey. I have that hope for myself. I have to tell you, I love the name of this post. My thesis in grad school for interior design was about how hard it is to make friends, among other things after college, and Kismet was the name of the place I designed to solve that problem.

KC said...

Love it, girl time is awesome, especially with people who get you. I believe in fate and it sounds like things are falling in place for you. I think sometimes we can feel out people who have struggled with fertility. I am always amazed how often I meet ladies who have struggled. Anyways, glad to hear you had a great getaway!

Mommy ToBe said...

I'm starting my infertility journey following a miscarriage in December and a recent diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve. I found your blog and it is so full of hope that I am trying to maintain.

Thank you for sharing your journey and I look forward to keeping up as you take the next steps forward.

Lots of luck!

RunningMama said...

Aw, I got all weepy eyed reading this! Isn't it funny how sometimes you can just sense when a person will understand...maybe it was some small gesture or something she said or did that made you feel like (subconsciously) like she would get it. Anyway, I'm so glad that you had a great weekend with "your girls." It is hard through this IF stuff to find someone that makes you feel understood and KNOWN. :>

Anonymous said...

*sniff, sniff* Love you very much, too, my friend. It was a friggin' rockin' time in the city! :D And what a fantastic dose of kismet that you were able to chat it up with J on the plane! Amazing stuff. Go, Universe!

P.S. The Monkey says hi and misses you, too.

P.P.S. "Pancakes! Who wants Pancakes?!"

Infertile Farmer said...

This is awesome! In the hell that infertility drags us through, the one good thing is the amazing new relationships that get formed. So glad you found these awesome friendships!

Cherm29 said...

Awwww sniff sniff indeed!! You and M are def my angels too!! Wouldn't be sane through this journey without you both. I LOVE that you met someone on the plane who put you at ease after all that craziness of delays! Can't wait til we meet again my friend and miss you lots!