This is my 6th transfer... yup....6th.
I have a lot of pain and sadness and anger from the fact that were are in a place that I never though we'd get to.
But there's also a part of me that can easily let go of those memories and wipe the slate clean. Its strange. While I don't have the same giddy, naive certainty that this is going to work, no problem, like I did when I went through my first IVF about 2 years ago, I still feel hope. I still feel like this really COULD work. I'm not sure how likely it is, but the fact that it COULD work gives me enough to focus on these next two weeks.
Its a strange calmness that I feel.
This calmness is new. I'm not sure if it's coming from the experience of going through this struggle and knowing that freaking out during the 2ww doesn't help any, or if its an inner calmness coming from something else.. some deeper wisdom... or the fact that most of the people I know in real life, save for a few friends, don't know about this at all.
Here's a quote a wonderful and dear friend of mine shared with me (Thanks Mags):
As always, I like to remind myself in the 2ww that no matter what, Tidy and I are strong and have survived through to this point. And we will survive through this cycle as well.