- 9dpo - I've been dizzy for the past few days. THIS WORKED! OUR NIGHTMARE IS OVER. CELEBRATE!
- 10dpo - Dizziness is a bit less. OK, WELL, SYMPTOMS COME AND GO. OUR NIGHTMARE IS STILL OVER (MAYBE)
- 11dpo - Nothing.. Back to normal. Crying on my way to work, again. EPIC FAIL. MY BODY IS A FAILURE. I WILL NEVER BE PREGNANT. WE SHOULD JUST SELL OUR HOUSE, QUIT OUR JOBS AND MOVE TO A NEW COUNTRY AND LIVE ON THE BEACH
Seriously. These last two days have been awful. I'm panicky, I can't focus on anything else other than just knowing what the result will be and moving on. Today, I feel like this has failed. Please spare me comments about how not everyone feels symptoms before they test positive. I don't buy it. I know how my body reacts when I have a trigger shot in it (HCG). I know my body too well. It's doing all those wonderful things it does about 5 or so days before I usually get my period: Skin break out, a bit more oily skin, boobs are getting a bit smaller...
I know a few days ago I said I had some calmness in me about this, but not now. I'm a mess.
I was talking with a fellow IVF vet the other day and we agreed, this is pretty much how the 2ww goes. We can break the emotional roller coaster up into about 4 segments:
- Calm, peaceful hope
- Despair, no way this worked
- As beta gets closer, just a few days before, DELUSIONAL HOPE sets in! YES! It worked!
- Failed cycle, earth shattering sadness, have to figure out how to pick up pieces.... again. Is this really my life?