Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Pouring

When it rains, it pours. And it's pouring, big time, right now.

I know so many of you out there feel like this, don't you? Why does life work that way? I don't have an answer. And I'm not sure that if I did have an answer if it would make me feel any better. Do most of you feel like when you find out one person is pregnant, another 10 or so come out of the woodwork to announce the same thing too?

Within the last 48 hours, I've found out 3 of my close friends are pregnant, and 1 is going to give birth any minute.

After 4.5 years of dealing with pregnancy announcements while being labeled 'infertile', it never gets easier. I watch myself each time go through all of the same emotions, and each time I hope that the next time a bunch of people announce their pregnancies to me that either a) I will be pregnant too or b) I will deal with it better.

But each time, I am still a) not pregnant and b) processing through the same emotions (jealousy, envy, unfairness, feeling left out, wondering why me, fearing I will never join them...), even though, I am truly happy for all of them. In fact, all 3 of them have struggled to get pregnant.

There's a new group of women in my life forming who are expecting and I will have a chance to be one of them in the next few weeks, assuming everything goes well with Dotty 2.0. I'm so very scared that one again, I won't be able to join this group, and we will see yet another crop of my friends pregnant, and their babies born, before we hold our baby in our arms.

8 comments:

glimpseinsidemyjourney said...

Ugh, I so know what you mean. And it never gets any easier. All we can do is keep hoping that our chance to join the club will be soon.

RunningMama said...

That's so hard....I think this calls for a little self-indulgence. Let's hope that Dotty 2.0 finally allows you to have your turn!!!

cgd said...

I am so, so hoping that you get to be pregnant along with your friends. I find that these announcements are sometimes no big deals and other times are feel like someone is stabbing me, overall I just wish all of this were easier for both of us. sending you lots of love.

St Elsewhere said...

I hope you will be the fourth to join the club.

I wish you and Dotty 2.0 lots and lots of good luck.

xoxo

Have a little chocolate today!

Cory and Molly said...

It does come in waves, and can be so, so hard. Thinking of you and Dotty 2.0!

Gurlee said...

Ugh. Pregnancy announcements never loose their sting. I have thought the same thing too many times, hoping that I would be "next". I hope that your announcement is right around the corner when Dottie 2.0 produces!

Maria said...

Oh yeah....totally get this. And I'm wondering if the sting of pregnancy announcements will ever go away...even when we have our babies in our arms. Sending you a crap load of love and peace, my friend.

marilyn said...

I have been there. Just let it out I would go to the bathroom and just cry for about an hour. And I would listen to music..to help me cry or get angry. I am so sorry...
hugs