Thursday, March 15, 2012


I had a great appointment almost a week ago with my OB and it makes me feel so very reassured that we made the right choice to go with him.

About a month ago, I went into him and cried... a lot. I cried for all of the fear that was over taking my body and mind.

I have been on a chat board for a few years with some amazing women. They all struggled with infertility as well and a few of them suffered twin losses... My heart aches for their losses and the fact that they had to experience that, I am glad their stories have happy endings.  And while I know that they meant well with the advice that they were giving me, it made me fear this pregnancy more than enjoy and revel in it. It made me second guess myself and my body... Because I got caught up in that fear, when I went into my OB around 20 weeks, I sobbed to him that I didn't want to lose these babies and I wanted him to do everything that I could to make sure they were ok.

He did a great job at helping to calm my fears, share his thoughts on monitoring, how things have been going for us and how he wants to proceed. Mostly he gave me a calm look and said, "Please trust me. I am going to get you through this the best way I know possible." He also suggested that I stop "googling" and possibly lessen my exposure to the fear.

And I did. I told my friends on the board that for now, I just needed to isolate myself a bit and regain some of my own sense of confidence. I hope that they know how much I adore them and miss my interactions with them there, but I also hoped that they understand.

So last week when I went in OB, the first thing he did when he came in the room was to sit down and look at me in the eye and say, "So how are are you feeling, emotionally. Are you doing better? Or are you still feeing worried?"

I was so impressed that he remembered (or at least took the time to look in his charts and review my case before he came into the room... LOL) and that he really seemed to care. We talked a lot about how things have been going and that all signs still point to things going well. My babies are growing very close to each other in size and that size is in the right range for their gestation. My cervix is still holding very nice and long and closed.. (I can't remember the exact measurement, but it was around 4cm).

After that reassurance, we started to discuss birthing options. I told him that my initial impression was that he wanted to push me towards a scheduled C-section. He clarified that this wasn't his intention and he was sorry that I got that impression. He said that almost 50% of twin births end in C-sections, so moreso than anything, he wanted to get me prepared for that option. But, depending on the position of the babies he is definitely open to a vaginal birth. He's even willing to do so if Baby A is head down, but Baby B is breech. We decided to put the conversation on hold a bit more until next time when I bring Tidy with me and we can talk about a birth plan. One of the reasons I think I want to have a birth plan is that unless I schedule an induction with him, I may not end up having him help us birth these babies... (oh, I LOVE the modern health care / insurance industry for this. Ugh...). In any event, I'm really excited to start discussing the birth part of this whole thing in more detail and share them with you and ask for feedback. More to follow in the coming weeks...

As I type this, I am still blinking at the page thinking,"Am I really talking about birth here??? ME???? Birth???? Babies???? "

It's SO surreal.


And now, the stats and a belly pic:

Status: 25w0d

Weight Gain: Will weigh in again in early April.

Symptoms:  Daily movements and more back pain. I think I might start trying out my "belly bra"... maybe that will help. I feel way better when I'm active and moving around. When I sit in my desk or meetings all day long, it starts to get somewhat tight. Baby B is also nudged up against my diaphragm for the past few it seems, and maybe that won't go away, but I'm hoping he/she shifts a bit. 

Cravings: None to speak of

Aversions: None to speak of

Exercise:  Another 4 day week! Yay!. Sunday 60min spinning, Monday 45 min pre-natal yoga in a new studio! (WAY better than my current series. I'll try to post about that one in the near future).  Wednesday: 1 hr prenatal yoga. Thursday (today): 45 min walk with the dog and the hubby in this amazing weather we are having. I think spring has come VERY early.

Best Moment of the Week: Tidy has finally gotten to feel some real movements. On Sunday, when I was sanding near him, he put his hand on my belly and felt one of the babies moving. He then started to repeat some funny things to them, particularly his Chicago White Sox Baseball Announcer "schtick" to them and they were going NUTS!! It was such a neat moment for Tidy to feel like they were reacting to him. I love it.

What I Look Forward to: Still looking forward to my first baby shower... 2 days!


RunningMama said...

Can I just tell you that seeing your belly bump just makes me smile so much! Very excited for your baby shower! Make sure someone takes pictures!!

Gurlee said...

It is important to take care of yourself and do what you need to feel confident and positive. I always say our community can be a double edge sword, sadly, we know way too much, I understand (to some extent) why being an ignorant fertile can be pretty obliviously blissful.
I am loving this experience despite its challenges but don't think I will feel 100% confidence until my living, breathing babe is in my arms! The fear is usually at bay but it occasionally rears its head.
You look great and great news about the hubs!