Sunday, December 18, 2011

What a Difference a Year Makes

I'm still an "Infertile", even though we are finally pregnant. I still have feelings of jealousy of people who get pregnant easily and those who talk about expanding their families to their hearts content. I get slightly angry at people who stay stupid things, like "just adopt" or "just relax". This will always be part of me. I don't want to forget it and I won't. It's made me the person I am today and I like who I am.... well, not really the jealous monster part, but the part that tries to be compassionate towards ever person's struggle, and the part that has learned patience and living in the moment... appreciating what you have... right now.

But I will say, one thing that has changed from last year, is my desire to celebrate the holidays. Last year at this time, I wanted to throw away all of the family cards that we got in the mail, especially the handful that announced pregnancies. I didn't want to put up a tree because... meh... who cares. I was in a funk.

But this year there is definitely a different feel. It's not a complete 180, because I've never been a HUGE holiday person, but I definitely feel more festive, more hopeful, more willing to celebrate other's joys. I even went out and did a little shopping yesterday to decorate.


You will notice a few things in our picture: A tree, some holiday colored pillows for the couch, and a wall hanging of our holiday cards from friends.... with their kids! Yup, they are on my wall instead of in my recycling bin. Oh what a difference a year makes, huh?

P.S.... We think Tidy is pregnant too. His appetite has increased, he's not sleeping well, especially on his back, and he has been a bit more irritable. I can't wait to see HIS bump start to form... LOL!

8 comments:

Cherm said...

OMG!!! I had the same exact experience and was just talking to DH about it last night. I found out two women are having their seconds and as far as I know neither of them struggled to get there with either pregnancy. I still felt that pang of jealousy. I know it will always be a part of me. I too am feeling more festive than previous years. Congrats Tidy! LOL!

LC said...

I'm just still so dang happy for you! xoxo

Lindsey said...

I feel the same way! This is the first Christmas i've enjoyed in 3 years... Its nice to feel happy again but I also feel a little guilty for enjoying it. Enough that I am 19 weeks and havent' even announced the pregnancy on FB and we didn't send out family christmas cards at all because I didn't want to surprise anyone with our announcement...

marilyn said...

oh how cute..you dog..is so sympathetic to your feelings. I miss my dalmation!! I am pregnant as well..and I will always be reminded that this baby is a miracle. Sometimes I get caught up in the complaints here in 9th month...but I will always remember how I had to fight hard for this baby. I am so happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Such happy thoughts for you this holiday! How so much change can happen over a year. I loved your vision of hope - its a beautiful sentiment. I wish we could all be spending it together, but those twins wanted something different (thankfully :) ) Your holiday home touches look so warm and inviting. Love you!

RunningMama said...

This is so totally me, too! I hid all the Xmas cards last year with the family pictures. They broke my heart. I do have to admit...that I hid my sister's twin picture behind another card. I guess there are still wounds to heal. But, this year...we actually bought a tree more than 1 week before Christmas...I actually baked LOTS of xmas cookies...etc! ENJOY IT! Next year will be EVEN better!

Maria said...

Aw! Love that you're feeling more festive, my friend. :-) Tidy's preggo? He must've stopped thinking about it, or he went on vacation, or he adopted without you knowing or something. ;-)

Lindsey said...

Hey! I just gave you an award, check it out at http://adventuresofendointhearctic.blogspot.com/2011/12/whole-year-and-blog-awards.html