Thursday, May 19, 2011

Typical

I know my mom loves me, the best she can. And I know she wants to see me have a child. But, I know she is pretty much the most irrational and stubborn person in the world when she wants to be. Even so, sometimes I don't really realize how much that her beliefs mean to her, and how much more important they are to her than doing something to help her daughter.

I'm in the midst of a huge struggle to build my family. We've spent upwards of $40,000 on trying to have a baby with no success. We are going to spend more to use donor eggs very soon. I've been an emotional mess, anxious, depressed, for about 4 years now and have tried to get my family to understand what this struggle means to me. Most of my family and definitely my friends really do understand, the best they can, without going through this, but my mom clearly does not.

I sent family and friends an email, similar to the post I made yesterday, about having them fill out a form ask their Senators to support a tax credit for people paying for IVF. Here is the response I received from my mom:

"Since I am not ok with IVF, I can not promote this bill, Peace be with you, Mom"

Nice. Thanks for your support, Mom.

21 comments:

amiracle4us said...

Ugggg...why did she have to even comment then? ?? I am so sorry you don't have her support, but knowing you have everyone elses I hope helps. hugs..

RunningMama said...

Wow, I am so sorry. What a smack in the face to all that you have been through. I don't understand how a MOTHER could be so close-minded to a struggle that is so personal to her own child. Inherent in a mother should be the desire to have your child be happy, regardless of whether that means pursuing a career you don't support, living a lifestyle that you are uncomfortable with, or doing things that your religion doesn't necessarily agree with. The most important factor should be your child and nothing else.

Gurlee said...

Wow, I am deeply sorry. I don't want to bash your mom but that is really quite hurtful. It is such a deep blow when someone you expect unconditional support from does not deliver. I feel speechless. The money part of IF adds such an additional strain, it is a shame that more states do not mandate coverage.
Xox

Baby Hopes said...

I'm so sorry... I cannot begin to imagine...

marilyn said...

I am just furious that she commented that way. That is not fair at at all..and completely not supportive. I am so sorry that you have to deal with such Cruelness. How are you dealing with this?

Baby Steps said...

Wow... that's a hard thing to hear coming from ones mom. I am so sorry... so so sorry that you are even in this situation and that you are not getting 100% of the love and support you deserve.

What you are doing is amazing, who you are is amazing.

I am thinking of you and I am here for you!!

LC said...

When you have your child, will she not love the child as he/she was conceived through IVF???

I am in shock right now... Speechless.

So sorry honey. This is the last thing you need right now.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry. Ridiculous. My mom is Catholic (I'm a recovering Catholic) and her position on this changed when we went through IVF successfully. So many in the American Catholic community do not agree with the Vatican on the anti-ART stuff. Its a shame that your mother can't be supportive. ((Hugs))

A Shadow of My Former Self said...

I know she's your mom, but seriously, she didn't need to comment on her lack of support. How cruel. Sometimes family knows right where to stick the knife to make the pain the worst. I am sorry.

PS. I am sending in a form to ask for this legislation in place of your mother.

Cherm29 said...

I am so so sorry Kathleen. I know she has her opinions about ART but that one sentence is so much more hurtful than silence on the matter. Not what you needed right now and I hope you can draw strength and support from those of us who know and love you no matter what and support you all the way through this. We are you hear for you. I certainly signed the petition and forwarded it on to more people who will also. Sending big hugs your way!

Chelle said...

What.The.Crap?!

Can I stick your mom in a pit with my MIL and let them fight to the death?

I just cannot even FATHOM not being supportive of my daughter trying to build a family through whatever means necessary. Your mom knows the joy of being a parent, why would she not want that for you? Of course, if she is like my MIL she would say something shitty like, "If I had known how much joy dogs are, I never would have had children." Yes, she told me that.

There are so many things I can say, but I will refrain because she is, after all, your mother, and I am sure you love her despite her being unsupportive. Either way, here's a black eye for her from me.

marriage20 said...

I am so sorry. Hugs!!

Joey said...

Sweet mother of God! What in the world was she thinking?

My brain tried to ooze out my ears just trying to make sense of that.

Joey
http://thechildlessmom.blogspot.com

C said...

I found your blog through ICLW. I just want you to know how very sorry I am that your going through this, especially without your mom's support.

C

MuteMockingbird said...

I'm sorry. That just sucks.

But know there are a lot of people who do support this bill and your IVF efforts. Good luck with your donor egg cycle!

Kristen said...

So sorry your mom is so incredibly unsupportive. Hugs.

Mrs. Buv said...

Wow. I am so sorry you are not able to gain the support of your mother whie you struggle with this. :( <<>>

M3MU said...

I am so sorry. :( It's frustrating when people are not supportive of something that is so very important. :( My sister and her hubby kept their IVF from his family as they would not have been supportive either. It felt like this giant secret all the time.
*HUGS*

ifserenitynow.com said...

Hi. Stopping by from ICLW. I'm so sorry your mother felt the need to say that to you. I'm glad you still speak out for IVF and IF as the only way to get past the ignorance is to face it head on. Hang in there.

Suzy said...

ouch. Having lived through a pregnancy that my mother made a big deal of ignoring and having a go at me every chance she got - I feel your pain. I am so sorry she is not on your side. Know that we are all on your side in your IF journey.

(my pregnancy ended in stillbirth and I dont think my mother has ever forgiven herself. We are on very good terms now. I hope your mother can see the error in her ways and begin to mend your relationship...for your future baby's sake as well)

Maria said...

WTF? A more decent response would've been not to respond at all. I'm so sorry she gave such a cold response, Tippy. :-( It's unjustifiable. ((HUGS))