Friday, May 20, 2011

Dear Baby

I thought you were so close.

You were, weren't you? You showed me last cycle that my body can let it happen. But you didn't stay? Why not? I wish you would have stayed. But I know you will come back and stay for good soon, well, I hope, at least.

Baby, I need your help. I don't know how to choose the woman who is going to help you come to us. I want to make the right decision. Can you give me a sign? I feel like I'm choosing behind 3 doors and I only get one choice, and you are standing behind one of them. I really want to pick the right one. But how do I know? I'm so tired of this game and I really just want you to come home to Tidy and me. Its been a long time since we've been trying to find you. Do you know that? Are you ready to come to us?

Please help me. I feel you getting closer and I want you to know that Tidy and I are so ready for you to be a part of our real lives now, not just our dreams. I want to build you a beautiful nursery and I want to feel you grow inside of me. I want to give birth to you and I want to get to know who you are and comfort you and take care of you when you need me, and nurture you and encourage you to be beautiful and strong. I want to love you. I already do, and I don't even know you yet.

But I'm really struggling right now to make a choice. I don't know what is important... Which one am I drawn to? Which one will look most like me? Is that something I should even consider? Does it matter? I just want to choose one that will bring you to me quickly. We're waiting here for you baby, with open arms and hearts.

Whatever you can do to help me make a decision, I'd really appreciate it.

Waiting for you, as patiently as I can,

Love, Mom.


Billy said...

Here from ICLW.
Beautifully written. I hope the choice you make, whatever it is, will bring your baby to you quicker.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post! I hope your decision reveals itself soon. Sending you good thoughts.

iclw #6

nh said...

Sending lots of positive thoughts, and hoping that your path becomes clear to you.


bean dreams said...

What a beautiful post. I am teary eyed! Especially when I read the final signature. So wonderful to be able to sign mom. Just finding your blog through ICLW. I'll be following your journey and sending you strength this cycle. Good luck with all these tough decisions and your baby dreams!

Anonymous said...

Here from ICLW. I hope you get your sign! I am sure that no matter what door you pick, your baby will find you.

#87 ICLW

Hopeful1 said...

What a beautiful post, it got me all teary eyed too.

I know what you mean, it's hard to figure out what your looking for. At first I wanted someone who looked very similar to me now I just want someone who has the same hair color and who is healthy for the most part. Good luck it's a hard process, I know because we're still looking. :(

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Happy ICLW

ICLW #13

marilyn said...

beautiful letter! What is this process like. Do you look at different pictures. What a hard decision to make.

NancyPants said...

Hi Tippy!
I am visiting through ICLW (LadiesinWaitingBookClub) and am one of the editors. I am in the middle of my 2ww with DE. I understand what you are going through - making the choice of DE is not easy. You will revisit emotions that you think you have reconciled over and over again. I can tell you this - it's normal! I pray that your cycle goes very well and you find success.

Marissa said...


No real advice, but this is something I silently play out with regards to donor sperm. (We're not there yet, but I fear we migh get there.) I want a clean family health history first and foremost. That's about all I've got.

I hope your baby helps you out. :)

AJ said...

Just stopping over from ICLW. It's my first time so I'm new to this. I love how you signed your letter Love Mom. So beautiful. I hope your baby helps you make a decision that brings him or her to you quickly!!

♥ C said...

I can give any advise as I have not gone though this but I just wanted to say it was such a beautiful letter and wanted to give you some hugs!

ICLW #23

Jacksmom said...

I hope you are able to make a decision that you feel at peace with (the reasons for choosing the particular donor) quickly so you can get your little one!!! Happy ICLW!!!

ICLW #121

Jes G said...

a beautiful letter.... i am sure your choice will bring you closer to your take home baby!!!!


Anonymous said...

Just follow your heart...your baby will find you know matter which door you open. You can do this, you will do this and you will have you baby!! You are going to be such a fabulous, loving mom :)

Fran said...

Returning a warm hug from ICLW. How to choose? It seems really difficult yet I wonder if it matters at all in the end. Should she look like you? Again, the baby may be the spit image of Tidy and so it won't matter. And you know the way the say even adopted children tend to look like the adoptive parents in the end? It's because they learn your expressions, your sayings and poses. And then they do like you do. Go with your heart, I know it seems like an important decision but the only thing that matters is the end product isn't it?
Much love, Fran (ICLW #10)

Casey said...

ICLW hug coming your way. Hoping your search brings you ever closer to a bundle of joy.

Best wishes,


Sooz said...

That was a beautiful post...As others have said, follow your heart. I've gone through a similar path with four IVFs behind us, so I know the pain of having to go through multiple IVFs and all the what-ifs. You'll make the right and best decision for you.

Anonymous said...

Put the choices in a bowl and pull one out. That's the one. And in the end it won't matter, because your little one is right around the corner!

St Elsewhere said...

May your dreams be fulfilled, and that whichever donor you choose, gives you the gift of the baby.

You should connect to other DE moms....there are so many out here!

Take Care! And I am very sorry for the lack of support from your Mom.

Kymberli said...

Returning your comment from ICLW~

what a beautifully written letter to your baby to be. If only it were so easy to get the answers that we send an open query out into the void and receive back confirmation, validation, and direction.

I hate to see that your mom is so unsupportive; I can only imagine how much more that complicates things.

I hope that your answer becomes clear to you soon...I'll be reading along through the way.

NLY said...

Sending a prayer your way to help you chose!

Kristin said...

What a beautiful letter to your baby to be. Hoping and praying you are able to decide on a woman and that your decision brings you peace of mind.


My Infertile Confessions said...

IF is so hard! So many choices it feels like a gamble... and it is in a lot of ways! Well, I hope you hit the jackpot and get your little miracle :)

Happy ICLW!

Cyndi said...

Tippy, this post really got to me! I hate that we have to go through this :-(

JustHeather said...

What a beautiful letter to Baby.


Anonymous said...

Okay. BAWLING! Such a sweet tribute to your baby-to-be. I hope you get or have gotten the perfect sign. xoxo