Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Bagels & Muffins

I made a little announcement yesterday at work.

I brought in bagels and muffins to the "treat area" in my staff's row, bright and early so no one would see me. Then I snuck off to my office and wrote a little email with the subject line: "Bagels & Muffins ... AND..."

I composed a simple 2 sentence email to my staff and some of my close coworkers and business partners and hit send... and waited...

In less than 2 minutes, I had a group of 3 former staff and a coworker come into my office and scream... TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was such a fun and crazy day... I didn't' get a lick of work done for the first 90 minutes. So many "congrats", "Holy cow", "So exciting!"

I figured it was time to tell because the job I had been waiting for my VP to make a decision on was finally decided ( I didn't get it.... I'm fine with that decision... honest). And my belly is going to let itself be known very soon, so I figured I do the job before it did it for me.

It was strange though. While for the most part of the day I felt so happy and enjoyed the joy that others had in their voices for me, I also got scared. For the first time in this pregnancy, the fear of something going wrong, of not having my take home babies, set in. I think it is because after announcing, this becomes even more real, and because it's more real, there's a more real possibility of it being taken away fo me. I know that this feeling will pass, but it was just such a big day yesterday, one I can't lie, have kind of dreamed of.... kind of.

But so many other people know about this now and it seemed so much safer when just a few people know. I definitely feel more vulnerable.

I know this vulnerability will pass and the joy of being able to let my belly out at work take back over, but it's yet another example of how infertility still has solid hold on me in some ways.

7 comments:

amiracle4us said...

I understand that! I go between wanting to shout it from the rooftops to not saying anything until after the baby comes! Glad everyone was so happy for you :)

Joey said...

What a fun way to tell people. Of course telling people makes the fears even more real. Try to enjoy the lives growing inside you!

Joey
http://thechildlessmom.blogspot.com

thirtiesgirl said...

That is a super cute way of telling them. I may have to steal it! Totally understand what you mean about the fears.

Roccie said...

Good for you! I am glad you are not slinking around, your belly will rat you out!

Young Grasshoper said...

I felt the same way after making my announcement. I just kept telling myself that if soemthing horrible were to happen every person that was so excited for me would also be there to support me and lift me up. It does get better through as the pregnancy progresses! :-)

M said...

How friggin' cute is THAT??? I love that you get to let it all hang out now, girl! It's interesting actually...I guess IF still touches me in the adoption world, because I'm having a hard time "coming out" to the majority of our friends and family...just in case something goes wrong. Ugh. Dang IF.

Cherm said...

Yay for coming out at work! I can see where in some ways it's a relief and others that it makes it all the more real. Can totally relate. Like losing a fist love, IF will always leave that sting in our hearts making us cautious of what's around the corner...eventually that fear will ease especially when you hold those babes in your arms... :)