Saturday, November 12, 2011

Telling My Dad (Part 1)

This past weekend was pretty amazing. And we got it all on video (which I may post a snippet or two of..). There were a lot of "Oh my gosh!!!" and "Shut up!!"s, a few tears, hugs and some great facial expressions.

We told my family about the two heart beats we saw just over a week ago, growing inside me on Saturday, November 5th, my 37th birthday. The faces of my mom and dad were the most precious and I will treasure those looks forever.

We did not, however discuss the donor egg topic with them, at that point. My 3 sisters do know, as they were part of helping me make the decision. I thought I wrote a blog post on this, back in May, but apparently not. Regardless, I'm very glad that they sat with me oh so many months ago to help me sort out my thoughts and support me and Tidy in our big decision to use donor eggs. It really made it feel more like a family decision and that is important to me for something this big. Thank you J, L & C. I love you guys and can't wait to see you holding our babies.

I had mentioned that donor eggs was an option way way back in late 2010 to my dad when I told him we were thinking of doing one final IVF cycle  (IVF #4) with my body and if this didn't work, I was considering looking into donor eggs. It was a quite and quick conversation at my P's kitchen table over the holidays and he made a face and said a few words that made it apparent he wasn't a big fan.  That, along with my mom's disapproval of IVF, period, was one of the reasons that Tidy and I decided, besides my 3 sisters, and a few of our close friends who have known the day to day details of this journey, we would keep the 'donor egg' part of this journey to ourselves, until later on down the road, when we figure out the best way to share with our friends and family and more importantly to our babies.  (That was one HUGE run-on sentence).

So, this past Monday, I got an email from my dad, with the subject line of "WOW"

Dad: Just tearing up occasionally thinking about how the two of you have handled this reasonably long journey with such strength, confidence and faith. I can't imagine the past levels of disappointment, and now the great hope and joy that has taken over. Love, Pops.

Me:  Thanks Dad! Each day I wake up I still feel like I'm in a dream. I definitely have some low levels of fear that this will all be taken away from me at a moment's notice, but I am trying really hard to tell my fear to go to hell and just enjoy this time. 

Dad: I am with you, of course, on all of this. Yes, go to hell! (re: fear). I have one nagging question I need to resolve, if I can... your eggs, right? heart dropped into my stomach and my pulse quickened. I wasn't ready to tell him, especially not over email. He's my dad, the one I want approval from on most things, and of course want to make him proud! I was also a bit angry at him for asking about this in a email, but I got over it. He has every right to ask whatever he wants, how he wants it. So I forwarded it to Tidy and we decided that I would respond and go from there...

Stay tuned to tomorrow for the remainder of this story.


Baby Hopes said...

Oh my goodness... I do hope that he's responded with support and love. I am so behind you all the way on this. What does it matter? These are YOUR children. You have longed for them, you've gone through the meds to prepare for them, you are carrying them, you will deliver them, you will love them and raise them. They are yours... period.

ks said...

Oh man! It's such a tough choice to go DE! And to get over that hurdle and grieve the genetic loss yourself, then have to face others that might not be so responsive to it!!! UURRGGHH!

I hope your Dad was supportive and realizes the true miracle these babies will be! Because DE really is a miracle! And let me tell you my daughter is ALL mine! Epigenics (sp) really is something incredible!

thirtiesgirl said...

I hope it went well. Your dad is going to be a grandpa--to your babies--that is so awesome!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you can help your parents to accept this by making it more relateable. Perhaps telling them it is similar to adopting eggs? I am sure they would be very happy for you if your journey would have led you to adoption. This is like adopting at a cellular level, and you chose the adoptive mother? I don't know... just trying to help. Sorry your dad put you in this position. Hugs. Bebehope

Marissa said...

I suppose "bought and paid for!" was not your response? Or "Well, possession is 9 tenths of the law!"

We never got much farther in our who-to-tell donor sperm conversation than the decision to never tell my husband's parents.

I hope things went ok.

RunningMama said...

Oh, man. That's tough. I wish I had something iluminating to say. But, I know how emotion-laden and complex our relationships are with our parents. The thing is...if you are going to have it be an open topic with your kids (i.e., mommy used a special lady's eggs to help her carry you in her belly) then you children may talk about it openily and they may talk/want to talk to their grandparents about it. So..maybe better to have it out in the open? I kind of feel like it is all or nothing with telling.

Anonymous said...

I know this is tough but don't let an less than happy thoughts from others regarding your decisions take away from the pure joy you have now. Yes, they are your family, but this is your family, the one you are both creating.
Anyways, once he holds those sweet babes he won't know the difference.

LisaB said...

OMG, oh crap! At first I was starting to tear up, thinking aww how sweet. But then it made me really pissed off!! I am anxious to hear the rest. I hope this doesn't take away from your well-deserved joy!
I have thought that if we use a surrogate, we might not tell people. I don't know. People can have weird reactions sometimes.
Big hugs!