Don't Ignore the Ignorance... Educate!

In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28) and as an entry into the Bloggers Unite event to help bring awareness to Infertility, I have written this heartfelt post:

A peaceful town was in the news a few weeks ago because a doctor wanted to build a fertility clinic in a vacant space. This space is close to a church, an elementary school and a small college. Protesters came to the city board in hopes of stopping this "immoral place" from being built. One of the organizers of the protest commented that a child born through IVF "becomes a manufactured commodity" and is "reduced to an object, a product."

This sentence enraged me.

I'm currently 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant with twins via donor egg IVF and there is NO WAY that I view these babies as a "product" or "manufactured". I view them as an amazing gift. After a 5 year war with infertility (and I say war, because we went to battle, many many times), we made the not very easy decision to be done with my eggs and try a new route. And once we moved forward, we never looked back. I've been grateful for every. single. moment of this pregnancy and I'm already madly in love with these babies thriving away inside me. I can't wait to meet them, hold them, nurture them.... To me, and my husband, they are very far from "objects".

They are OUR children.

Just because we had to spend over $35,000 to even have this chance at a child on this ONE IVF cycle, in no way shape or form, minimizes their meaning to us. In fact, I would argue, people who go through fertility treatments to have their children, MAY even appreciate the fact that they are parents more so than if they were easy to conceive. (Now I'm not arguing we are better parents here, but just that we understand what it took to get them...and that perspective is very special.)

But then I tried to calm down a bit and think this through, or at least put myself in these protesters shoes. I understand why IVF and third party reproduction scare people and why some consider it unnatural. They are right. IVF was not the way nature intended children to be conceived. (I would say, though, that nature gave us all very intelligent brains and thus doctors, the ability to create these amazing processes that have helped many of us become parents)

But I believe that some media and a lack of awareness/education has a lot to do with this fear. Stories in the news can make IVF appear as a freakish thing that creates octo-moms and fabricates babies in places where "god didn't intend" a baby to be. This misrepresentation creates ignorance and fear.

Specifically, it causes people to make ignorant statements about IVF babies as commodities...

Ridiculous.

Fertility clinics are certainly not manufacturing babies. They are actually helping to create THE POTENTIAL for a baby to be born. With all of the time, money and effort that goes into taking eggs from a woman and sperm from a man, joining them in the lab, and then putting a few resulting embryos  back in the woman, fertility clinics still have not created a baby! Those embryos have to decide to snuggle in tight and stick around for 8 more months before a baby enters the world. And there is no fertility clinic that can gaurantee the success of the last part.

Through the four IVF cycles with my body, our fertility clinic helped us produce over 55 embryos... and not ONE of them turned into a baby. Not one. I bought the chance to have a baby, many times over, but we certainly did not buy a baby. If it were that easy, to just go out and buy a baby when we faced with the disease of infertility, would so many of us need the support of this community? Would so many of us want to build awareness and educate others that it is OK to need help?

If only I could meet these protesters and tell them my story. Maybe then they would see how their ignorance only hurts those of us who need help to experience the joy of having a baby. Maybe they would see how truly life altering and devastating it is to be infertile and feel isolated, depressed, anxious, and hopeless.  Maybe they would see how much I am in love with my babies already, how grateful I am and how they are not simply a commodity to me.

For those of you who would like to learn more about NIAW and the basics of the disease of infertility, please click on the links. The more you know, and educate yourselves, the more you can educate others.

Please pass this along!!

Choosing Joy

I don't think that I have mentioned infertility much on this blog lately. It's still here, in my mind, from time to time. And I know that it will always be a part of me. It lingers here and there when I catch myself feeling negative, or worried, or just "realistic" that I don't actually YET have these babies in my hands... and until then, there's no guarantee. Even then, there's no guarantee.

But I don't want to go through this pregnancy with those thoughts in my head. I don't think this is being naive, or ignorant, or "throwing caution to the wind". I think this is just a choice one makes, to put the fear away and find some peace in the present.

So instead I choose to go through it with joy and gratefulness, because if I didn't, I think I might regret it.

And today was one of those days where I chose joy. We painted the nursery and it looks fantastic! (Click here for before)

(Next steps: New windows, treatments, furniture and decorations.... not all in one weekend :-) ) 

The color is just how I wanted it. Seeing this room, finally painted, after almost 5 years of sitting empty and unused, makes this all the more real. I got weepy as I was listening to some music, putting the finishing coat on the room. I could feel my babies bouncing around in my belly and for a spilt second or two, I could envision them there with me, snuggling in tight.

I choose joy. I choose to believe that this is going to happen. Because if I don't, I let the fear win.

Do Twins Run in Your Family?

"No"

I could just stop there, but I don't.

My usual response to the above referenced question, that I've been getting a LOT of at work lately is this...

"No. They don't. We tried for many years, but needed help. So our twins are the result of using fertility treatments"

And I stop there.

For the most part, people's reactions have been simple and excited. They don't pry more, they don't react like I'm a freak show because I shared this little snippet into my life, and they don't try to give me advice (... I do have a post coming on advice however... soon..).

It's as easy as that sometimes, to just be honest, and not ashamed of the fact that we needed help. It feels good. I feel proud in some way too, and maybe that's not the most gracious way to feel, but I do. I feel like I've conquered 2 things here: 1) my infertility and 2) a bit of a perceived stigma about having to get help.

And with that feeling comes a little bit of freedom from the years of defeat.

And now...the stats and a belly picture!

Status: 17w0d

Weight Gain: I won't have any idea until I go back to my OB in early Feb, but I definitely think I've grown noticeably since last week, so I bet the pounds are going to start packing themselves on.

Symptoms: (While knocking on wood) This week has been headache free! Yay!!! Big positive there. I've also started to possibly feel some movements going on. Right now they are sporadic gas bubble type feelings and little twitchy instances, but noticeable nonetheless. Also, I am still having some gallbladder pain, although I have been adjusting my food back to a more vegan diet, with a small amounts of cheese and fish here and there to get a little fat and protein. I am going in for a gallbladder ultrasound next week to see if I indeed have gallstones. Ugh.

Cravings: This week, nothing really to speak of.

Aversions: Again, none to speak of

Exercise: Friday - 3 mile run, Sunday - 1 hr spinning, Wednesday - 45 min lunch time yoga at work. Once again, other things like work and friends are getting in the way of getting to that gym 4x a week. ... but we'll try again this week. I did get some new work out clothes too, so maybe that will help!

Best Moment of the Week: Nothing really stands out except for some sweet quiet moments at home with Tidy and the Pog. With some of my new responsibilities at work, it has been super busy during the day, so when I come home at night I'm just enjoying a little down time of doing nothing. The simplicity of it is so soothing.

What I Look Forward to: Our 18 week ultrasound next Thursday.

Bagels & Muffins

I made a little announcement yesterday at work.

I brought in bagels and muffins to the "treat area" in my staff's row, bright and early so no one would see me. Then I snuck off to my office and wrote a little email with the subject line: "Bagels & Muffins ... AND..."

I composed a simple 2 sentence email to my staff and some of my close coworkers and business partners and hit send... and waited...

In less than 2 minutes, I had a group of 3 former staff and a coworker come into my office and scream... TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was such a fun and crazy day... I didn't' get a lick of work done for the first 90 minutes. So many "congrats", "Holy cow", "So exciting!"

I figured it was time to tell because the job I had been waiting for my VP to make a decision on was finally decided ( I didn't get it.... I'm fine with that decision... honest). And my belly is going to let itself be known very soon, so I figured I do the job before it did it for me.

It was strange though. While for the most part of the day I felt so happy and enjoyed the joy that others had in their voices for me, I also got scared. For the first time in this pregnancy, the fear of something going wrong, of not having my take home babies, set in. I think it is because after announcing, this becomes even more real, and because it's more real, there's a more real possibility of it being taken away fo me. I know that this feeling will pass, but it was just such a big day yesterday, one I can't lie, have kind of dreamed of.... kind of.

But so many other people know about this now and it seemed so much safer when just a few people know. I definitely feel more vulnerable.

I know this vulnerability will pass and the joy of being able to let my belly out at work take back over, but it's yet another example of how infertility still has solid hold on me in some ways.