Choosing Joy

I don't think that I have mentioned infertility much on this blog lately. It's still here, in my mind, from time to time. And I know that it will always be a part of me. It lingers here and there when I catch myself feeling negative, or worried, or just "realistic" that I don't actually YET have these babies in my hands... and until then, there's no guarantee. Even then, there's no guarantee.

But I don't want to go through this pregnancy with those thoughts in my head. I don't think this is being naive, or ignorant, or "throwing caution to the wind". I think this is just a choice one makes, to put the fear away and find some peace in the present.

So instead I choose to go through it with joy and gratefulness, because if I didn't, I think I might regret it.

And today was one of those days where I chose joy. We painted the nursery and it looks fantastic! (Click here for before)

(Next steps: New windows, treatments, furniture and decorations.... not all in one weekend :-) ) 

The color is just how I wanted it. Seeing this room, finally painted, after almost 5 years of sitting empty and unused, makes this all the more real. I got weepy as I was listening to some music, putting the finishing coat on the room. I could feel my babies bouncing around in my belly and for a spilt second or two, I could envision them there with me, snuggling in tight.

I choose joy. I choose to believe that this is going to happen. Because if I don't, I let the fear win.