Pouring

When it rains, it pours. And it's pouring, big time, right now.

I know so many of you out there feel like this, don't you? Why does life work that way? I don't have an answer. And I'm not sure that if I did have an answer if it would make me feel any better. Do most of you feel like when you find out one person is pregnant, another 10 or so come out of the woodwork to announce the same thing too?

Within the last 48 hours, I've found out 3 of my close friends are pregnant, and 1 is going to give birth any minute.

After 4.5 years of dealing with pregnancy announcements while being labeled 'infertile', it never gets easier. I watch myself each time go through all of the same emotions, and each time I hope that the next time a bunch of people announce their pregnancies to me that either a) I will be pregnant too or b) I will deal with it better.

But each time, I am still a) not pregnant and b) processing through the same emotions (jealousy, envy, unfairness, feeling left out, wondering why me, fearing I will never join them...), even though, I am truly happy for all of them. In fact, all 3 of them have struggled to get pregnant.

There's a new group of women in my life forming who are expecting and I will have a chance to be one of them in the next few weeks, assuming everything goes well with Dotty 2.0. I'm so very scared that one again, I won't be able to join this group, and we will see yet another crop of my friends pregnant, and their babies born, before we hold our baby in our arms.