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Monday, May 2, 2011

Calm Before the Storm

There's always this nice calm before the storm hits on Beta day for me. I usually go to the clinic in the morning at about 7:30 and give blood. I know the results will appear on the web portal I can log into somewhere before 10am. I also know I will receive a phone call from either a nurse (if positive) or the RE (if negative or unclear). But I am usually at work that day and so I choose not to look online OR answer my phone. Its pretty crazy, I know, but I works for me. I just couldn't stand getting any kind of bad or iffy news at work, even with my own office.

So after making through the work day, I drive home and wait to meet Tidy so we can look online together at the result and then listen to the voicemail. But before we actually look online, a calm usually washes over me. I'm not sure why. I think its because I know my life is about to change and I am going to experience an emotional on-slaught either way. And somehow, that simple moment before knowing is very peaceful. Its very alive and real and I wish I had more words to describe it. Does that make any sense?

Well, today was no different. Same deal. Didn't answer the phone, didn't listen to the voice mail, didn't check online, drove home, got on the computer, Tidy got home, and we logged in, just waiting to get it over with so we could move on, open a bottle of wine and pretend its just any other day. Because after all, there's no way in hell this worked.

But then we saw a number that was NOT zero.

My beta is 25.3

Hmmmm. I'm not sure what to make of it. Technically we are pregnant, but I was hoping for something, say, in the range of 200. At 16dpo, 25.3 just seems a bit low.

So we wait more, and we go back in on Wednesday, and we pray that if there's a little guy or gal holding on in there, that they decide to stick around this time, because I know that we would be so very happy to have them stay.... so very very happy.

26 comments:

  1. Baby HopesMay 2, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    Oh my word!!! Congratulations!!! I'm praying that this little one sticks around for you! Very excited for you tonight!!!

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  2. AnonymousMay 2, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    congrats! praying your numbers keep going up, up, up!!! i'll anxiously be waiting for your post on wednesday!

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  3. AnonymousMay 2, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    OMG!!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! This is going to work. It CAN work and WILL!! Stick lil Stick!!

    *I love that you can look online. Sitting at home (bc I always take that day off) waiting and waiting is terrible!! RE1 wouldn't leave it on a message so waiting till I got home wouldn't be an option. Now sure on RE2's proceedures, but if it were online, not sure I could wait!

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  4. RunningMamaMay 2, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    YEAH! I told you hope should remain!! I don't know much about betas...but my friend (with the spotting) had a really low beta: 63 14 days post transfer and she's 20 weeks.

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  5. AnonymousMay 2, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    OMG! The suspense is killing me! I can't imagine what it's doing to you! I'm sending you TONNES of positive vibes!!!

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  6. CyndiMay 2, 2011 at 9:22 PM

    Tippy how exciting! Wednesday will be great!!!!!

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  7. CyndiMay 2, 2011 at 10:40 PM

    Tippy I've nominated you for the versatile blogger award.

    Check it out:

    http://lovemarriagewhereisthebabycarriage.blogspot.com/2011/05/truly-honored.html

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  8. St ElsewhereMay 3, 2011 at 12:25 AM

    Okay Tippy,

    Congratulations!!!

    25.3 at 16dpo is low, but not low enought to deem the pregnancy unviable. Another blogger, Nancy had a very low initial beta, but she now has a healthy son from the pregnancy.

    At this point, I wish the betas will double nicely and that your baby continues to thrive well.

    Hugs to both you and Tidy. He must be so over the moon too.

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  9. MarissaMay 3, 2011 at 2:12 AM

    I've heard anything can and does happen with FETs.

    I'm hoping hard that you get a LOVELY rise and some stunning numbers on Wed.

    (And...you don't even peek a little at the website? Wow. Nerves of steel!)

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  10. JanaMay 3, 2011 at 5:06 AM

    That's good news and my fingers are so-so crossed for a nice increase by Wednesday. Good luck!

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  11. lostintranslationMay 3, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    Yay for a positive beta! So still PUPO, right? I hope the numbers will go up the way they should and your little one is here to stay. Good luck! I'll be thinking of you while I'll have my own FET tomorrow (also day2 embryo, but we just have one). Wednesday should be a good day for both of us!

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  12. cdgMay 3, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    My goodness, I want to congratulate you but at the same time I know how nervous you must be!!! More waiting!!!! I am hoping and praying for you that you see doubling numbers. Hang in there. Sending lots of love to you.
    P.S. Why cant anything be easy for a change????

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  13. Infertile FarmerMay 3, 2011 at 7:34 AM

    YAY!!!! You are very much in this still! I know this crazy stage must have you on pins and needles (and I have to say I am amazed at how calm you sound in your post - and the whole waiting til you get home thing - you are a superstar! i could never do it!) I feel like I am going crazy for you! I hope the time flies by and I am praying like crazy for great numbers on Wednesday!! XO!!

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  14. KVMay 3, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    What does the beta number correspond to? Is it HCG?

    Mentally projecting you a big hug and calmness. I know the next few days will be really tough. We're here if you need us!

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  15. LisaBMay 3, 2011 at 8:09 AM

    OH MY GOD!!!!! Congrats!!! I hope and pray the numbers keep going up! You gotta start somewhere!! Keeping you in my thoughts!!

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  16. GurleeMay 3, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    HOLY CRAP!!! I am so (cautiously) excited for YOU!! Oh please, please, please let this work :)
    Keep us posted!!!!

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  17. KateMay 3, 2011 at 10:29 AM

    Tippy, so happy to hear! I'm sending you lots and lots of positive vibes. My beta isn't for another three days. I'm feeling the same waves of calm. Then suddenly the nerves set in again.
    Keep us all posted!

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  18. jill's infertility documentMay 3, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    TORTURE!! All my thoughts are with you today and tomorrow. I will hold my breath so you don't have to, ok?

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  19. BabystepsMay 3, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Thinking of you girl!! These next few days are going to be challenging, but you will get throuh it and I am hoping and hoping some more that your beta goes up!!

    I'm here if you need to talk~

    xo

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  20. FreyamaeMay 3, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    Tippy, it ain't over til the fat lady sings!! Thinking of you... 25.3 is workable... and wishing you guys the absolute BEST...can't wait til the next beta!

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  21. ChermMay 3, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    Woohooo!!! You ARE pregnant right now in this moment!! Hoping beyond hope that number doubles tomorrow and keeps on going! xoxo

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  22. RosachkaMay 3, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    Tippy, hoping and praying that your beta is strong on Wednesday. Will be checking for an update. Good luck!!!

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  23. JoeyMay 3, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    Tippy-

    Thanks for the offer of sending the vial of Lupron on my blog. As you'll see in my post tomorrow, I ended up getting it just in time. I so appreciate your kindness. I'm overwhelmed by this community's love for each other.

    Joey
    http://thechildlessmom.blogspot.com

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  24. MaggieMay 4, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Hoping that you are blown away by a good second beta today! I don't know anything, but can't FETs sometimes be late implanters? Everything crossed for you!

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  25. MaggieMay 4, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    PS. A friend of mine with an initial beta of 33 is about to have a baby any day. Stick, grow, stick, grow ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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  26. SerenityMay 4, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    Linked here through More Room in My Heart. FETs sometimes do start slower, so there's definitely hope.

    I will be crossing my fingers for you. Tightly!

    xoxo

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